Rachel: "I should kiss that bitch. Bitches love kisses."
Rachel: "...and this is where we are getting married, northern Finland. I'll wear a tux made out of beaver pelt and you can wear an Eskimo dress."
Lauren: "I would rather get married in Hell than in the arctic."
Lauren: "You cannot turn into that. This isn't 'Leave it to effing Beaver.'"
Rachel: "Chocolate milk, syrup, and two bottles of wine. Yup, the gang is all here."
Rachel: "Bitch, DO NOT get between my money and my food. I will run you over!"
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
October 31, 2012
Rachel: "He smiles too much, at inappropriate times."
Lauren: "He laughs like a Hyaena with underdeveloped vocal chords."
Rachel: "He doesn't know how to read a newspaper."
Lauren: "He doesn't know how to function as a part of society."
Rachel: "We had a conversation and it concluded with 'Coulda had lunch, but that would mean a narcoleptic seizure."
Lauren: "Ummmm"
Rachel: "Yeah I was like 'Okay, well...I hope you live."
Lauren: "What happened to everyone here this Summer? There must have been a case of 'bat-shit crazy' going around."
Lauren: "We need to see hotel Transylvania ASAP"
Rachel: "You just want to see the wolf lick his nose."
Rachel: "Ermergherd terrnis behrl!"
Lauren: "Ghert der bherl!"
Rachel: "LMAO. Bing wants to translate that for me."
Rachel: "Jaysus"
Rachel: "Lauren, we should drink wine more often. *Belchhhhh*"
Lauren: "I have not had caffeine in THREE DAYS. I am dying. This is what dying feels like."
Rachel: "He is dressed in a jazzy purple paisley shirt that's unbutton'd rather low, his chest hair is poking out, and he's adorned with a classy golden necklace. wtf?"
Lauren: "Hot tub time machine back to the 70's?"
Lauren: "So, I just put on real pants..."
Rachel: "Everything is going to be alright."
Lauren: "So constricting...."
Lauren: "So he came in and said 'Trip or Treat' and I corrected him saying 'Trick or treat.' He then proceeded to tell me about his first Halloween in America and how he was frightened by the kids in costumes and didn't know what they wanted from him."
Lauren: "Hold on, I'll watch it later. Rachel and I are laughing at ourselves."
Lauren: "He laughs like a Hyaena with underdeveloped vocal chords."
Rachel: "He doesn't know how to read a newspaper."
Lauren: "He doesn't know how to function as a part of society."
Rachel: "We had a conversation and it concluded with 'Coulda had lunch, but that would mean a narcoleptic seizure."
Lauren: "Ummmm"
Rachel: "Yeah I was like 'Okay, well...I hope you live."
Lauren: "What happened to everyone here this Summer? There must have been a case of 'bat-shit crazy' going around."
Lauren: "We need to see hotel Transylvania ASAP"
Rachel: "You just want to see the wolf lick his nose."
Rachel: "Ermergherd terrnis behrl!"
Lauren: "Ghert der bherl!"
Rachel: "LMAO. Bing wants to translate that for me."
Rachel: "Jaysus"
Rachel: "Lauren, we should drink wine more often. *Belchhhhh*"
Lauren: "I have not had caffeine in THREE DAYS. I am dying. This is what dying feels like."
Rachel: "He is dressed in a jazzy purple paisley shirt that's unbutton'd rather low, his chest hair is poking out, and he's adorned with a classy golden necklace. wtf?"
Lauren: "Hot tub time machine back to the 70's?"
Lauren: "So, I just put on real pants..."
Rachel: "Everything is going to be alright."
Lauren: "So constricting...."
Lauren: "So he came in and said 'Trip or Treat' and I corrected him saying 'Trick or treat.' He then proceeded to tell me about his first Halloween in America and how he was frightened by the kids in costumes and didn't know what they wanted from him."
Lauren: "Hold on, I'll watch it later. Rachel and I are laughing at ourselves."
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
September 5th, 2012
Rachel: "We should put something cool in here." *Opens up small storage compartment on the futon.*.... "Like a gun."
Rachel: "I like it when you watch tennis and yell at the television."
Lauren: "Thanks?"
Rachel: "I like you."
Rachel: "Who does he think he is? We only get free food when you or I request it. It doesn't fall out of the sky."
*Professor Sugar plum: "What happened to your arm?"
Lauren: "Dance injury and stuff."
*Professor Sugar plum: "Is it going to get better?"
Lauren: "No, it's getting amputated tomorrow. I'm going to have a nub. You can call me nub girl from there on out."
*Professor Sugar plum: "That's unfortunate. It's going to be really hard for you to work."
Lauren: "I've come to terms with it."
* - Names have been changed to preserve whatever dignity said person has left.
Rachel: "I like it when you watch tennis and yell at the television."
Lauren: "Thanks?"
Rachel: "I like you."
Rachel: "Who does he think he is? We only get free food when you or I request it. It doesn't fall out of the sky."
*Professor Sugar plum: "What happened to your arm?"
Lauren: "Dance injury and stuff."
*Professor Sugar plum: "Is it going to get better?"
Lauren: "No, it's getting amputated tomorrow. I'm going to have a nub. You can call me nub girl from there on out."
*Professor Sugar plum: "That's unfortunate. It's going to be really hard for you to work."
Lauren: "I've come to terms with it."
* - Names have been changed to preserve whatever dignity said person has left.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
September 1st, 2012
Rachel: I want you to become really good at archery. Then we can sit on Megan and Emily's balcony, drink, and shoot people.
Rachel: It's funny because they're both fat!
Lauren/Rachel/Emily/Megan: BOOM *Insert any object here*
Lauren: This song isn't about whistling...
Rachel: Did you know that the name Oberon comes from 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'? He's the king of the fairies.
Lauren: I know Avogadro's number.
Rachel: It's funny because they're both fat!
Lauren/Rachel/Emily/Megan: BOOM *Insert any object here*
Lauren: This song isn't about whistling...
Rachel: Did you know that the name Oberon comes from 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'? He's the king of the fairies.
Lauren: I know Avogadro's number.
Monday, August 20, 2012
August 20th, 2012
Lauren: I'm bringing my Queen bed to school, more opportunities to snuggle.
Rachel: I would love to snuggle with you, especially since I know you won't impregnate me.
Lauren: I found a documentary on dinosaur sex!!
Rachel: It's been 10 years since I've seen you.
Lauren: Two weeks I think.
Rachel: So...10 years.
Rachel: I'm going to drag you to Chicago with me. We can go to Froyo and have real jobs and go shopping...
Lauren: I can be an inner city school teacher and risk being jumped every time I go to work. At least there are a million Starbucks there.
Lauren: I probably wouldn't know I was pregnant because I already pee every five minutes.
Lauren: Would you still love me if I didn't know I was pregnant?
Rachel: Yes, but you would have to give your baby away.
Lauren: Do you think I would survive in the ghetto?
Lauren: I love my cousin Lindsay, we're pretty weird but it's okay.
Rachel: She's giving our awkward relationship a run for its money.
Rachel: I would love to snuggle with you, especially since I know you won't impregnate me.
Lauren: I found a documentary on dinosaur sex!!
Rachel: It's been 10 years since I've seen you.
Lauren: Two weeks I think.
Rachel: So...10 years.
Rachel: I'm going to drag you to Chicago with me. We can go to Froyo and have real jobs and go shopping...
Lauren: I can be an inner city school teacher and risk being jumped every time I go to work. At least there are a million Starbucks there.
Lauren: I probably wouldn't know I was pregnant because I already pee every five minutes.
Lauren: Would you still love me if I didn't know I was pregnant?
Rachel: Yes, but you would have to give your baby away.
Lauren: Do you think I would survive in the ghetto?
Lauren: I love my cousin Lindsay, we're pretty weird but it's okay.
Rachel: She's giving our awkward relationship a run for its money.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Friday August 3rd, 2012
Rachel: "I got a full sized mattress."
Lauren: "Awesome."
Rachel: "Mostly so we can sleep together."
Rachel: "My favorite part was the part where you listed everything you hate about that person, and then told them."
Lauren: "I was informed that I tried taking my pants off. I don't like wearing pants when I'm sober, why would I when I'm not?"
Lauren: "I hate it when Hitler steals my nutella."
Rachel: "Every time I have a bad day, I look at our blog and laugh until I snort."
Lauren: "It doesn't take long for you to snort."
Lauren: "I thought that maybe we could name our second dog 'Nubby'."
Rachel: *Singing some catchy tune*
Lauren: *Channeling inner Phantom of the Opera*.... "Sing for me my angel! Sing for me!!!."
Rachel: *Breaks into opera*
Tourist: "Why is it so busy down here?"
Rachel: (Rather loudly) "It's Coast Guard Festival, dumbass."
Tourist: "Are the fireworks tonight?"
Rachel: "No, they're Saturday. We are just saving a spot."
Tourist: "Should have brought a tent."
Rachel: "We just have to sit here until Midnight, why would anyone camp out for fireworks?....Dumbass."
Lauren: "I think our blanket neighbors are saving their blanket with stakes. You can't do that. It's illegal. I hope the blanket police take their stuff."
Rachel: "I'm sitting over here like 'I love Coast Guard and fireworks.' You're like 'I hope everyone dies and gets their blankets taken and dreams crushed.'"
Lauren: "Awesome."
Rachel: "Mostly so we can sleep together."
Rachel: "My favorite part was the part where you listed everything you hate about that person, and then told them."
Lauren: "I was informed that I tried taking my pants off. I don't like wearing pants when I'm sober, why would I when I'm not?"
Lauren: "I hate it when Hitler steals my nutella."
Rachel: "Every time I have a bad day, I look at our blog and laugh until I snort."
Lauren: "It doesn't take long for you to snort."
Lauren: "I thought that maybe we could name our second dog 'Nubby'."
Special Coast Guard Festival Quotes Edition
Rachel: *Singing some catchy tune*
Lauren: *Channeling inner Phantom of the Opera*.... "Sing for me my angel! Sing for me!!!."
Rachel: *Breaks into opera*
Tourist: "Why is it so busy down here?"
Rachel: (Rather loudly) "It's Coast Guard Festival, dumbass."
Tourist: "Are the fireworks tonight?"
Rachel: "No, they're Saturday. We are just saving a spot."
Tourist: "Should have brought a tent."
Rachel: "We just have to sit here until Midnight, why would anyone camp out for fireworks?....Dumbass."
Lauren: "I think our blanket neighbors are saving their blanket with stakes. You can't do that. It's illegal. I hope the blanket police take their stuff."
Rachel: "I'm sitting over here like 'I love Coast Guard and fireworks.' You're like 'I hope everyone dies and gets their blankets taken and dreams crushed.'"
Friday, July 20, 2012
July 20th, 2012
Rachel: "You're going to marry a doctor. It's settled. That's how your life works. Oh the irony."
Lauren: "We should commandeer a ship."
Rachel: "We should become pirates of the Great Lakes. We could steal people's gold and in the Winter we can just live in our big house because we're pirates and we're rich."
Lauren: "We should bring our pug with us."
Rachel: "We can dress him up as a pirate too."
Lauren: "So if I magically become asian, and criss-cross my eyeballs, my chances of finding a decent guy will automatically increase?"
Rachel: "Precisely."
Lauren: "We should commandeer a ship."
Rachel: "We should become pirates of the Great Lakes. We could steal people's gold and in the Winter we can just live in our big house because we're pirates and we're rich."
Lauren: "We should bring our pug with us."
Rachel: "We can dress him up as a pirate too."
Lauren: "So if I magically become asian, and criss-cross my eyeballs, my chances of finding a decent guy will automatically increase?"
Rachel: "Precisely."
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