March 2, 2012

Rachel: Met hot guy in PSC department. Am very skeptical. This must be a hoax.

Lauren: One other than MG? Do you need to borrow my glasses?

Rachel: YES! he came in to borrow a stapler. And asked me how my day was going. And actually listened to my answer.

Lauren: WOW....you should have said "sir, in order to use our stapler you must leave your phone number on file"

Rachel: on file in my cellphone...
bad news though, I panicked and coughed a lot because of his attractiveness

Lauren: Hoodrats know no home. They only know streets.
Rachel:+1 for correct usage of know and no in order. You know grammar. I love that about you


Lauren: ‎...and so it was decreed that one day, Lauren and Rachel would one day hold the key to all the secrets in the universe. One does not simply earn this right.
I really just felt like saying something badass.
Rachel: And that one day...is today. 
(read in Patrick Warburton's voice)
Lauren: So we set forth to prosper and conquer through the snow and ice...
Rachel: Though our eyes watered from the wind so we had to wear sunglasses, we persevered in our pursuit of answers.
Lauren: Answers, to our questions. Why is the sky is blue? Why are the dinosaurs extinct? Where do babies come from?
Rachel: NO. no. Scratch that last question, I don't want to know
Lauren:....They sailed the seas in search of the Loch Ness monster.
Rachel: Nessie! She's in the lake at John Ball Zoo.
Lauren:In the arab lands they encountered a mean monster who called himself Sean.
Rachel:He came from a long line of Martinezes...or something like that.
Lauren: He claimed to own the land that was promised to the two young adventurers. Therefore, they summoned their army of battle unicorns.
Rachel: They used said unicorns against Sean. The attack was highly effective. Sean was banished to a land where sun, flip flops, and palm trees did not exist. Namely, Siberia.
Lauren: Twas not a difficult battle. The monster was used to going into battle inebriated. However, on this fateful day, the monster had given up his love of moonshine and spirits in order to appease the bearded man they called Jesus. He was easily defeated.
 Rachel: Lauren and Rachel rejoiced with much Taco Bell and cookie dough. "Cheesy Fiesta potatoes for all!" they cried. They took mercy on the Sean and packed a picnic of their leftovers for his trip up to no-man's-land.
Lauren: ‎"Banished!" said Lauren and Rachel." Forever must you occupy the ice lands of Siberia." Sean happily agreed to this request, for Russia was known for their alcoholic cocktails and scantily clad mail ordered brides
Rachel: All it took was one "You vant vodka, no?" and Sean experienced that most sweet and powerful emotion: lust. Meanwhile, Rachel and Lauren prepared for their upcoming journey to the city they call Windy.

February 22nd, 2012

Lauren: I've decided to give up wearing real pants for lent because Jesus didn't wear real pants, so why should I?


Rachel: *poking Lauren in the face with a piece of paper*
Lauren: What are you doing?

Rachel: I want to stick this in your ear. 

Rachel:  "narrator: and next, a performance that gets Adam out of his seat.
 me: I'll give him a performance that gets him out of his seat...omg did I just say that out loud?"


Lauren: One is the loneliest number.
Rachel: that's what I think to myself alone in 247 every tues/thurs.


Rachel: one of the saddest things ever in my life is coming to work and seeing the remnants of what was once a delicious cake in the trash. missed it by that much

February 2nd, 2012

Rachel: "‎"The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done." George Carlin"

lauren: p.s. - I just found out who Sterling Johnson is
p.p.s. - Now that I know who he is, I've decided to call him Sterling "Cool cat" Johnson. Mostly because I like his jazzy hat, it's got class and sass written all over it.

January 25th, 2012

Rachel recently encountered a Facebook creeper. This is their conversation, minus names of course. 

Creeper: So I see that you know one of my best friends, very cool. I am coming up to Mount Pleasant this weekend and would like to get to know you better, are you down for lunch/dinner sometime this weekend?

Rachel: Humor me - for curiosity's sake, what made you want to get to know me?

Creeper: 

One, I teach the horse riding merit badge for the Boy Scouts. 

Two, I go to CMU, just like you. 

Three, you know my best friend, which means you've got a level head. 

Four, you are not in my social circle.

Five, you like slushies and walks on the beach, just like me. 

Six, you don't enjoy math. 

Seven, ...need I go on?

This is us, talking about the creeper mentioned above:

Rachel: I literally can't stop laughing right now half of me is intensely creeped out

• and the other half wants to tell him to meet me at Kaya so I can investigate this weirdo
  
  
  Lauren: I mean who is he? Does he have a violent past?How about a record? Does he use drugs? These are things you need to ask. he hates math, but his minor is mathematics.
  
  
  Rachel: He is full of contradictions. 
  
  
  Lauren: Like Starburst. Juicy, yet solid. 
  
  

January 18th, 2012

Lauren: I'm so glad that we are best friends

Rachel: because I'm bringing you a box? I'll take the weather into account and bring you a tarp too

Lauren: Well I haven't relapsed yet give it a week. Plus I have $50+ in Starbucks gift cards. Now I'm convinced you just want a homeless friend so that you can brag to all your other friends that you have a homeless friend.

Rachel: hahaha I have $30 in gift cards so I'm set for a bit as well. and that may be a factor but my desire to make a fort in your living room is warring with the homeless thing.

Lauren: Best part about today: Not only does Stewart walk in with an owl drawn on his cup of coffee, the barista drew 4 other birds as well, labeling the drawing "Bird World."

Rachel: hahaha!! he has a secret ornithologist admirer!

Lauren: "I've decided to ignore the fact that the squirrel I encountered on the sidewalk was making mating calls towards me and move on with my day."

January 17th, 2012

Rachel: wake up, my leg is wet...

Lauren: I saw a kid sitting underneath the stairs in the EHS and named him "The Stair Troll".

Rachel: I was walking down the hall and walked into a cloud of fart, naming the guy in front of me "Fartmaster". 

January 16th, 2012

Rachel: "Wanna do something this week?"

Me: "Do you even have to ask?"

Rachel: "I want to build a fort...."