June 27th, 2012

Rachel: "Every time I'm on Twitter I say to myself 'Oh Lauren and Matthew Lewis must be watching soccer...."


Lauren: "Did I just use the scientific method to flirt with somebody? Yes, yes I did."

June 18th, 2012

*Lady awkwardly nuzzling the back of some guy's neck downtown.*
Rachel: "Looks like she's eating him..Should I yell 'Bath salts!' and run away?"


Rachel: "It's just I'm just saying is all..."
Lauren: "What does that even mean?"


Rachel: "Lauren, you said you were going to stop doing that. We high fived..."
Lauren: "Yeah, like 20 mins ago.."
Rachel: "But we high fived."


 Rachel: "I was going to offer to call, but since you're awkward on the phone you get to call."


Lauren: "It's going to be insane because you, me, and Megan are all single this year."
Rachel: "Yeah, it will be like the desperate apartment-wives of Westpoint."


Rachel: "I'm going to get you to get a piercing, even if it means tranquilizing you."


Lauren: "So I was in the middle of my story and she just interrupts and says 'Look, my elbow is burnt.' who does that?"
Rachel: I would've said 'I'm sorry about your elbow but here's my fist in your face.'"

June 2nd, 2012

Rachel: Boys are dumb.
Lauren: They better figure their shit out soon or else we're destined to live together forever and the universe will surely implode.
Rachel: That is the damn truth.

Lauren: Damn, it feels good to be a gangster.
Rachel: Yeah, you definitely have to know how to watch your back in these suburban child watch communities of ours.

April 26, 2012

Rachel: "This guy's last name is smeeeeeegal!"


Lauren: "‎#funkasaurus is trending. I don't know what that is, but it sounds like a party."


Lauren: "Look what I found in JH's office!!!!" *Holds up giant crucifix*
Rachel: "What?"
Lauren: "In Nomine Patris, et filli, et Spiritus sancti!!!!"

April 19, 2012

***Names have been changed to preserve whatever shred of dignity the discussed persons have left.


Lauren: Does [Professor Whirly-tits] think he's like a Hollister model? Will we be seeing a half-naked [Professor Whirly-tits] on our shopping bags for their Spring collection?

Lauren: Have you ever wondered if the reason the world is ending in December is because we're going to be living together and the universe will most likely implode?

‎Rachel: "Finnick is Our Sexy Sugarcubes Boy" is trending on twitter. Best.Topic.Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rachel: was seriously considering pinning a picture of shirtless Italian soccer players to my "r&l apartment" board on pinterest. I thought they could sleep on the deck..

Lauren: Or inside...we do have a futon and from what I've gathered we're pretty good cooks as well. Shirtless Italian soccer players outside < shirtless Italian soccer players inside. Plus, why would we want them on the porch for everyone else to look at?

Rachel: All good points. Inside it is.

Rachel: somewhat cute boy taking a test in PSC this morning. problem: he smells. Just my luck.

Lauren: I hate that. What happened to proper hygiene. Have guys not jumped on the hair conditioner and body wash train yet?There is a reason to why these things exist.

Rachel: it's called: GIRLS ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO THE STANK.

Lauren: I think Prince Eric is a sexy beast.

Rachel: If Prince Phillip was real I would date him so hard and marry the shit out of him.

April 2nd, 2012

Rachel: I'm here til one simultaneously brainstorming for my anthropological critical approach to The House of Mirth and entering names in the database. Translation: party.
 Lauren: I can help you brainstorm!!!! Translation: shenanigans.


Rachel: http://imgur.com/gallery/DUpsH us someday when we have families. Or rather, when you have a happy, well-adjusted family and invite me to be in pictures because I am pathetically forever alone.
Lauren: This is fantastc! Don't worry, I already plan on you living with me until we die.


Rachel: It's awkward though because I got that from the profile of "Peeta's Fake Leg" on twitter.


Lauren: You need to grow a beard and develop a bad habit so I can tote you around as my best friend, Haymitch.
Rachel: Give me a few years before I'm your alcoholic accessory.


Lauren: Alrighty! What glorious adventure shall we embark upon?
Rachel: no idea. preferably something that is free. I am poor.
Lauren: We could pillage and burn CMU.
Rachel: Right about now that sounds absolutely fantastic. while we're at it let's find out where they keep a stash of money and take it al.
Lauren: I hear they have underground tunnels. I bet that's where the hipster professors hangout. 


Rachel: (Expressing her desire to work at Coldstone) I would sing and tap dance the shit out of that place. 

March 9th, 2012

Rachel and Lauren's Spring Break in Chicago!


Rachel: "I think the front desk guy thought our backpacks and shopping bags were all of our luggage." 
Lauren: "It's funny, because we're females. One does not simply pack one suitcase."


Rachel: "so close, and yet so far"
Lauren: "kind of like Lady Gaga and our pizza"


At IKEA:
Rachel: "What are these things? They look violent."
Lauren: "We'll get them for our apartment, to beat houseguests who get unruly."