Rachel: "We should put something cool in here." *Opens up small storage compartment on the futon.*.... "Like a gun."
Rachel: "I like it when you watch tennis and yell at the television."
Lauren: "Thanks?"
Rachel: "I like you."
Rachel: "Who does he think he is? We only get free food when you or I request it. It doesn't fall out of the sky."
*Professor Sugar plum: "What happened to your arm?"
Lauren: "Dance injury and stuff."
*Professor Sugar plum: "Is it going to get better?"
Lauren: "No, it's getting amputated tomorrow. I'm going to have a nub. You can call me nub girl from there on out."
*Professor Sugar plum: "That's unfortunate. It's going to be really hard for you to work."
Lauren: "I've come to terms with it."
* - Names have been changed to preserve whatever dignity said person has left.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Saturday, September 1, 2012
September 1st, 2012
Rachel: I want you to become really good at archery. Then we can sit on Megan and Emily's balcony, drink, and shoot people.
Rachel: It's funny because they're both fat!
Lauren/Rachel/Emily/Megan: BOOM *Insert any object here*
Lauren: This song isn't about whistling...
Rachel: Did you know that the name Oberon comes from 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'? He's the king of the fairies.
Lauren: I know Avogadro's number.
Rachel: It's funny because they're both fat!
Lauren/Rachel/Emily/Megan: BOOM *Insert any object here*
Lauren: This song isn't about whistling...
Rachel: Did you know that the name Oberon comes from 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'? He's the king of the fairies.
Lauren: I know Avogadro's number.
Monday, August 20, 2012
August 20th, 2012
Lauren: I'm bringing my Queen bed to school, more opportunities to snuggle.
Rachel: I would love to snuggle with you, especially since I know you won't impregnate me.
Lauren: I found a documentary on dinosaur sex!!
Rachel: It's been 10 years since I've seen you.
Lauren: Two weeks I think.
Rachel: So...10 years.
Rachel: I'm going to drag you to Chicago with me. We can go to Froyo and have real jobs and go shopping...
Lauren: I can be an inner city school teacher and risk being jumped every time I go to work. At least there are a million Starbucks there.
Lauren: I probably wouldn't know I was pregnant because I already pee every five minutes.
Lauren: Would you still love me if I didn't know I was pregnant?
Rachel: Yes, but you would have to give your baby away.
Lauren: Do you think I would survive in the ghetto?
Lauren: I love my cousin Lindsay, we're pretty weird but it's okay.
Rachel: She's giving our awkward relationship a run for its money.
Rachel: I would love to snuggle with you, especially since I know you won't impregnate me.
Lauren: I found a documentary on dinosaur sex!!
Rachel: It's been 10 years since I've seen you.
Lauren: Two weeks I think.
Rachel: So...10 years.
Rachel: I'm going to drag you to Chicago with me. We can go to Froyo and have real jobs and go shopping...
Lauren: I can be an inner city school teacher and risk being jumped every time I go to work. At least there are a million Starbucks there.
Lauren: I probably wouldn't know I was pregnant because I already pee every five minutes.
Lauren: Would you still love me if I didn't know I was pregnant?
Rachel: Yes, but you would have to give your baby away.
Lauren: Do you think I would survive in the ghetto?
Lauren: I love my cousin Lindsay, we're pretty weird but it's okay.
Rachel: She's giving our awkward relationship a run for its money.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Friday August 3rd, 2012
Rachel: "I got a full sized mattress."
Lauren: "Awesome."
Rachel: "Mostly so we can sleep together."
Rachel: "My favorite part was the part where you listed everything you hate about that person, and then told them."
Lauren: "I was informed that I tried taking my pants off. I don't like wearing pants when I'm sober, why would I when I'm not?"
Lauren: "I hate it when Hitler steals my nutella."
Rachel: "Every time I have a bad day, I look at our blog and laugh until I snort."
Lauren: "It doesn't take long for you to snort."
Lauren: "I thought that maybe we could name our second dog 'Nubby'."
Rachel: *Singing some catchy tune*
Lauren: *Channeling inner Phantom of the Opera*.... "Sing for me my angel! Sing for me!!!."
Rachel: *Breaks into opera*
Tourist: "Why is it so busy down here?"
Rachel: (Rather loudly) "It's Coast Guard Festival, dumbass."
Tourist: "Are the fireworks tonight?"
Rachel: "No, they're Saturday. We are just saving a spot."
Tourist: "Should have brought a tent."
Rachel: "We just have to sit here until Midnight, why would anyone camp out for fireworks?....Dumbass."
Lauren: "I think our blanket neighbors are saving their blanket with stakes. You can't do that. It's illegal. I hope the blanket police take their stuff."
Rachel: "I'm sitting over here like 'I love Coast Guard and fireworks.' You're like 'I hope everyone dies and gets their blankets taken and dreams crushed.'"
Lauren: "Awesome."
Rachel: "Mostly so we can sleep together."
Rachel: "My favorite part was the part where you listed everything you hate about that person, and then told them."
Lauren: "I was informed that I tried taking my pants off. I don't like wearing pants when I'm sober, why would I when I'm not?"
Lauren: "I hate it when Hitler steals my nutella."
Rachel: "Every time I have a bad day, I look at our blog and laugh until I snort."
Lauren: "It doesn't take long for you to snort."
Lauren: "I thought that maybe we could name our second dog 'Nubby'."
Special Coast Guard Festival Quotes Edition
Rachel: *Singing some catchy tune*
Lauren: *Channeling inner Phantom of the Opera*.... "Sing for me my angel! Sing for me!!!."
Rachel: *Breaks into opera*
Tourist: "Why is it so busy down here?"
Rachel: (Rather loudly) "It's Coast Guard Festival, dumbass."
Tourist: "Are the fireworks tonight?"
Rachel: "No, they're Saturday. We are just saving a spot."
Tourist: "Should have brought a tent."
Rachel: "We just have to sit here until Midnight, why would anyone camp out for fireworks?....Dumbass."
Lauren: "I think our blanket neighbors are saving their blanket with stakes. You can't do that. It's illegal. I hope the blanket police take their stuff."
Rachel: "I'm sitting over here like 'I love Coast Guard and fireworks.' You're like 'I hope everyone dies and gets their blankets taken and dreams crushed.'"
Friday, July 20, 2012
July 20th, 2012
Rachel: "You're going to marry a doctor. It's settled. That's how your life works. Oh the irony."
Lauren: "We should commandeer a ship."
Rachel: "We should become pirates of the Great Lakes. We could steal people's gold and in the Winter we can just live in our big house because we're pirates and we're rich."
Lauren: "We should bring our pug with us."
Rachel: "We can dress him up as a pirate too."
Lauren: "So if I magically become asian, and criss-cross my eyeballs, my chances of finding a decent guy will automatically increase?"
Rachel: "Precisely."
Lauren: "We should commandeer a ship."
Rachel: "We should become pirates of the Great Lakes. We could steal people's gold and in the Winter we can just live in our big house because we're pirates and we're rich."
Lauren: "We should bring our pug with us."
Rachel: "We can dress him up as a pirate too."
Lauren: "So if I magically become asian, and criss-cross my eyeballs, my chances of finding a decent guy will automatically increase?"
Rachel: "Precisely."
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Thursday July 12th, 2012
Lauren: "He acted like Jaxi (Rachel's dog) when she sees other dogs."
Lauren: "It's like a 14 year old girl trapped inside an aging man's body."
Rachel: "It's called being a little bitch."
Lauren: "Boys were put on this planet to eat boogers and out tool bag each-other and somewhere along the way one met a woman and stopped and said hey...what happens if I do this! Out popped a kid and the craze caught on. Everyone wants a kid, they're the designer dogs of the B.C era.
Lauren: "It's like a 14 year old girl trapped inside an aging man's body."
Rachel: "It's called being a little bitch."
Lauren: "Boys were put on this planet to eat boogers and out tool bag each-other and somewhere along the way one met a woman and stopped and said hey...what happens if I do this! Out popped a kid and the craze caught on. Everyone wants a kid, they're the designer dogs of the B.C era.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
June 27th, 2012
Rachel: "Every time I'm on Twitter I say to myself 'Oh Lauren and Matthew Lewis must be watching soccer...."
Lauren: "Did I just use the scientific method to flirt with somebody? Yes, yes I did."
Lauren: "Did I just use the scientific method to flirt with somebody? Yes, yes I did."
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